On a recent organizing binge, I spent days sifting through long ago papers that were taking up precious real estate in my desk drawers. Most of what I found went straight to recycling, but every so often I came upon a gem that I didn’t even realize was missing. Among those treasures was a questionnaire I filled out at the end of 2011, the year I gave birth to my fourth child. I remember answering the questions while listening to a motivational speaker at a board meeting for a non-profit organization. At the time, those meetings were about the only “non-mom” activity in my life.
The questionnaire was two pages. The first was titled: Completing and Remembering 2011, and the other was called: Creating 2012.
Among the questions on the 2011 form was this:
What compliment would you like to have received but didn’t?
Answer: That I’m organized. (Never heard it in 2012,13, or 14. Maybe 2015 will be the year?)
When I skimmed the 2012 form I saw this:
What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2012?
Answer: My writing.
I gasped when I saw that one. How was it possible that now three and a half years later, I still hadn’t managed to make writing a focus in my life? At the time that I wrote those responses I was functioning on little sleep with little help and many little kids to care for. Of course, I see now that a lot of other moms manage to write through the sleepless nights, the diaper changes and the nursing. Sometimes I scratch my head and wonder why I couldn’t manage to do it all too. I reassure myself by saying that just wasn’t me at the time. But now it wouldn’t be me to not write.
So for Mother’s Day 2015, I’m giving myself the gift of this blog. I confess I’m nervous to put my words out there, to give myself a voice in this way. Yet I’m even more nervous to not do it. That’s how I know this timing is finally right. It’s finally time for me to pick up my pieces and reclaim the woman inside who loves writing words, reading words, and sharing words.
Four years ago, 36 weeks pregnant with my caboose, I sat down at my computer and pecked out a little essay about why I was choosing to have a fourth child. After I finished, I read the piece to my husband who praised it. (Trust me, even though he’s my husband, praise is not something he doles out lightly). I remember wanting to take that writing and share it beyond our kitchen table, but I didn’t know how.
If only I knew then what I know now. If only then I understood the blogging world, all the wonderful mommy bloggers who capture the in’s and out’s of parenthood so eloquently. If only then I knew about the incredible online community of women writers whose gifts with words never cease to amaze me. Without their encouragement and support, I don’t know if I ever could have mustered the courage to launch this blog.
Of course, Mother’s Day wouldn’t be Mother’s Day for me without my kids and husband. You can find more details about them on my page “Hearts of my Heart.” I have my oldest little dude to thank for the artwork he surprised me with at the top of this post, and my husband to thank for listening to me read it over and over before hitting publish.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you fabulous moms out there! Thanks for joining me here today. Looking forward to sharing more words together soon.